Well, shit.

I periodically browse the Entertainment Earth website, partly because they have so much cool stuff, but also to monitor when Twilight Zone merchandise becomes available.  I spotted the following last week:

My heart sank.  Followers of this blog are aware of my crush on Maya the Cat Girl, and I liked to believe that my championing of her to my contact at Bif Bang Pow! had something to do with their decision to create an action figure of her.  I wasn’t nearly as concerned about Henry Corwin/Santa Claus because, frankly, it’s an action figure of Santa Claus, which would look awfully strange on a display shelf eleven months out of the year.  I emailed my contact (hell, I’m gonna go ahead and call him a friend) at Bif Bang Pow!, and he brought me up to speed on a story that was even more far-reaching and tragic than I could have imagined.

Going forward, they’re essentially prohibited from using any human likeness in their Twilight Zone products.  Not just actor/actress likeness.  HUMAN LIKENESS.  This means that if a character has a human face, it cannot be adapted to action figure or bobblehead form.

WHAT THE FUCK?

We already knew that securing actor likenesses was both a legal and a monetary issue, which is why BBP! was focusing on CHARACTER likenesses (for example, the Three-Eyed Venusian action figure is easily identifiable as such without looking expressly like Barney Philliips, the actor who portrayed him).  I can only presume that an actor (or their estate) took issue with this approach and demanded remuneration despite the fact that their specific likeness was sidestepped.  It all comes down to dollars, kids, and Bif Bang Pow! doesn’t have bottomless pockets like Hasbro.  I am not privy to the details, of course, so this is only my presumption, but I’m sure I’m not too far off.

This effectively kills both the action figure and bobblehead lines, and here’s why:  there are hardly any Twilight Zone characters that don’t have human faces, even the aliens, and they’ve already done most of them.  I can (almost) count the remaining candidates on one hand:

Janet Tyler (with bandaged face) (from “Eye of the Beholder”)

Old Ben in Alien Disguise (from “The Fugitive”)

Emily Harper (from “The Masks”)

Wilfred Harper (from “The Masks”)

Wilfred Harper Jr (from “The Masks”)

Paula Harper (from “The Masks”)

And… that’s it.  Every other character in the series --- be them human, alien or monster --- has an identifiable human face, which makes them impossible to render in action figure or bobblehead form under the current restrictions.  This means Maya the Cat Girl and Henry Corwin/Santa Claus had to be cancelled (along with the delayed Clown from “Five Characters in Search of an Exit”), despite the fact that they were already in production.  This also means the quiet death of dozens of future possible items too.  Unless something changes, both the action figure and bobblehead lines have been effectively killed.

Here's Bif Bang Pow!'s official press release on the subject.  It's cool to see some of the figures they were planning but hadn't announced yet (including Anthony Fremont from "It's a Good Life" and Marsha the Mannequin from "The After-Hours"), but the tragedy of the whole thing wrecks said coolness.  Fuck, fuck, fuck.

However, we still have four previously announced figures to look forward to in the next few months, none of which have recognizable human faces:

Nurse (from “Eye of the Beholder”)

Alicia (from “The Lonely”)

Alien (from “Hocus-Pocus and Frisby”)

Cyclops (from “The Fear”)

We may also see reappearances of some earlier figures that are now sold out, notably Dr. Bernardi from “Eye of the Beholder” and The Invader, both of which certainly deserve another run.  And Old Ben from "The Fugitive" is in bold above for a reason:  an action figure is currently in production!  I’ve been granted first scoop rights, so pardon my gloating while I post the following:

That is a seriously amazing sculpt.  Of course it is.  BBP does great work.

This whole thing is just plain heartbreaking, not to mention maddeningly frustrating.  We can hope that something changes, but as things stand right now… the end is in sight.  Of course this wasn’t going to last forever, but to have these wonderful lines abruptly ended like this is just awful. 

TZ Promo: “Five Characters In Search of an Exit” (12/22/1961)

Season 3, Episode 14 (#79 overall)
Cayuga Production # 4805

Where are we? What the hell is going on?
(Imogen Heap, “Hide and Seek”)

50 years ago tonight, five disparate souls found themselves in the middle of nowhere… quite literally. It’s an utterly blank room with curved walls, which stretch up twenty, maybe thirty feet high. There are no doors, no windows. A deafening gong sounds every so often, shaking the entire room and knocking the unfortunate occupants to the floor.

And then there’s the matter of our five characters. They are enigmatic and generic: army major, clown, ballerina, hobo, bagpipe player. They know what they are. But who they are, and how each of them arrived in this small pocket of nowhere… these things remain hidden, from both themselves and us.

Rod Serling’s teleplay for “Five Characters in Search of an Exit” is adapted from an unpublished short story by Marvin Petal called “The Depository.” The episode consists mostly of our five human question marks trying to make sense of their surroundings, and ultimately agreeing on a plan of action that may mean escape, enlightenment, or both. Whether the ultimate revelation is satisfactory will depend on the viewer’s requirement for a neat, tidy ending. I state this because, while the denouement does explain much of the mystery, it does so superficially; the deeper questions are never really answered and, further, an entirely new mystery is brought forth.

They could be damned souls. The giant cylinder they’ve been dropped in could in fact be a hell of sorts. The answer we are ultimately given certainly doesn’t preclude this possibility.

Like “The Lonely” and “The After Hours” before it, “Five Characters in Search of an Exit” serves as a meditation on identity; specifically, the uncertain line separating that which we perceive to have identity versus that which we define as an object. Dialogue from the episode, along with Serling’s closing narration, suggests that love is the key factor in this type of determination. Corry loved Alicia, which made her more than a robot. Our five characters may be blank slates only because they are, for the moment, unloved. Perhaps they are intended as walking, talking metaphors for loneliness. In this light, the damnation angle seems a bit harsh.

Our hero makes it to the top, only to discover the impossible truth of his existence.

Lamont Johnson’s direction is effective (given the essential nothingness of the setting), but what really elevates the episode is the interplay between William Windom and Murray Matheson as the army major and clown, respectively.

An action figure rendering of the Clown by Bif Bang Pow! was scheduled for May 2012, but it’s been delayed. Rumor has it that he’ll reappear in set of all five characters… which presents an awesome packaging option (toy donation barrel! Oh damn, there’s a spoiler….).

OMELETTE DU HOMAGE

J.J. Abrams’ TV series Felicity (1998-2002) paid loving homage to “Five Characters in Search of an Exit” in the episode “Help for the Lovelorn,” which was shot in black and white and directed by… you guessed it, Lamont Johnson. I can’t recommend the series, as I avoid these types of romantic dramas like the plague, but this particular episode is quite well done.

As of this writing, "Help for the Lovelorn" is available on Netflix streaming. Thankfully, Abrams has gone on to bigger and better things (including TV’s Lost and the big screen Star Trek reboot). He wrote the Felicity episode in question, so he must be a TZ fan. Hey, I wonder if he reads this blog….? Okay, probably not.

A RENEWED SENSE OF (RE)PURPOSE

The gigantic semi-cylinder that comprises the main set would appear on TV again in my second-favorite series of all time: The Outer Limits (in two episodes: “The Inheritors, Part 2” and “The Probe”). Thanks to Martin Grams Jr.’s gloriously exhaustive The Twilight Zone: Unlocking the Door to a Television Classic for this tidbit. Oh, and speaking of The Outer Limits.... well, stay tuned.

"Five Characters in Search of an Exit" is certainly one of the more bizarre excursions into The Twilight Zone, and I like it a great deal. It did rank in my top 40 favorites two years ago, but didn't quite make the cut when I narrowed it down to 20 earlier this year. Might need to do some revising to that list yet again....

Next week: War is hell. Yet again.