Episode Spotlight: "The 7th Is Made Up of Phantoms" (12/06/1963)

Season 5, Episode 10 (130 overall)

Originally aired 12/06/1963

Cayuga Production # 2606

50 years ago tonight (or was it 137?), a twist in time offered some eager National Guardsmen the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to journey into the past and… um… accomplish nothing of any consequence whatsoever.

Connors, McCluskey and Langsford are the aforementioned National Guardsmen, engaged in war games in eastern Montana. They see things (tee-pee, canteen, recent campfire, smoke signals), hear things (war cries) and smell things (okay, maybe not), and eventually conclude that, through some wrinkle in time (apologies to Madeleine L’Engle), they are somehow following Major Reno’s path to Custer’s Last Stand. They ignore their actual orders, join the historical battle, and are summarily killed. Yeah, that’s the whole thing.  Why, you ask? Why indeed.

Lock, load, and.... smile?

I think the episode would have been much more successful if there had some reason for all this to be happening. I’m reminded of season one’s “The Last Flight,” which concerned a RAF pilot inexplicably flying forward in time as he flees an aerial battle, and his urgent need to fly back where he came from to save the life of a fellow soldier (who would go on to be a decorated military hero). That’s a concrete reason, a good reason for the time traveling.  But there’s no evident purpose in this case. We’re enjoying the ride, and that’s nice, but ultimately, what’s the point?  Is it really just to tip the scales a bit more in Custer’s favor (which, from a modern perspective, is hardly desirable)? As we come to find out, our heroes’ contribution did virtually nothing to change the outcome, and they lost their lives in the process.  So… why, exactly?

From the aforementioned modern perspective, the episode can be uncomfortable to watch, and not just because Connors seems awfully eager (and happy) to kill him some Injuns. This was Serling’s opportunity to make a statement about white America’s appalling treatment of its native population but, instead, he seems to suggest that, given help, Custer could’ve been (and perhaps should’ve been) victorious, which doesn’t jibe at all with his otherwise liberal, humanist ethic. Serling created The Twilight Zone as a platform for denouncing societal evils like racism and discrimination, and the resultant horrors that man bestows on his fellow man perpetually throughout history, so if anything, he should be squarely on the side of the Native Americans. 

Perhaps we should blame the time period, in which Native Americans were still called “Indians” and were usually depicted as primitive bad guys in TV’s many shallow Western shows, but “The 7th Is Made Up of Phantoms” is too much of a deviation from Serling’s usual moral viewpoint to dismiss that easily. Perhaps this apparent disconnect is an indicator of his general malaise at this late point in the series’ run; maybe TV’s “angry young man” was hitting middle age and no longer felt compelled to tackle tough issues. Or perhaps he had a good idea (and really, this is a pretty vivid one), but didn't bother developing it before banging out a quick script. Could it be something as simple as laziness? I’d prefer that to an actual prejudice but, no matter the reason, it’s disappointing. 

Okay, what the hell is the deal with that loud, persistent wind? Are we hearing the Winds of Time, literally blowing our heroes back and forth between the past and the present? Asked another way, do warps in the space-time continuum make a sound? Theoretical astrophysicists or Time Lords, feel free to chime in here.

If you can look past the episode’s highly questionable politics (and the copious amounts of overacting), “The 7th Is Made Up of Phantoms” is actually pretty entertaining. An array of cool military equipment (including an outdoor communications station and the aforementioned tank) definitely adds production value to the proceedings. Additionally, the location shooting really opens things up, creating an authentic sense of space (despite the fact that it was shot in California instead of Montana). All things considered, the episode is definitely successful on a visual level.

The reproduction of the Custer Battlefield National Monument is pretty impressive, and the addition of our three intrepid Guardsmen’s names on its roster is a clever idea… unfortunately, the decision to put the three names together violates the otherwise alphabetic order of the roster (despite making a modicum of sense from a dramatic standpoint). Oops.

The acting in “The 7th Is Made Up of Phantoms” ranges from barely adequate to downright awful. As Captain Dennet, Robert Bray has two manners of speaking: loud and louder. His sole inclination is to bark at everyone around him, whether or not the situation merits it. He chews on Connors at every turn and, while Connors might deserve some of it, his conduct seems a bit unbefitting of an officer (he’d make a better drill sergeant). On the other end of things, Warren Oates is deeply annoying as Langsford, the sole skeptic in the trio, gesticulating wildly and employing too much slang at too high a volume. There’s too damned much yelling in this episode, period. The only one who doesn’t yell is McCluskey, who instead employs a slow, dimwitted drawl most of the time.

FAMILIAR FACES

The intense (albeit misguided, right?) Sergeant Connors is played by Ron Foster in his only TZ appearance. 1963 also marked his sole journey into The Outer Limits, as Dr. Robert Richardson in “The Mice.”

Private First Class/Dopey Country Boy McCluskey is played by Randy Boone in his only TZ appearance. Is it just me, or does he look (and act) a lot like Jack McBrayer, who plays Dopey Country Boy Kenneth Parcell on NBC’s 30 Rock?

Related?

Warren Oates (Corporal Langsford) previously visited The Twilight Zone in season one’s “The Purple Testament” (he’s the ill-fated jeep driver who drives over a landmine, killing himself and William Reynolds). He also turned in a memorable performance as the tortured and demented Reese Fowler in “The Mutant” on The Outer Limits.

Lew Brown plays an unnamed sergeant in his fourth and final TZ appearance (he popped up previously in “A Thing About Machines,” “Back There,” and “Long Distance Call,” all of which aired during season two).

Sometimes an interesting idea can lead to something radiant and brilliant. This is unfortunately not one of those times. The execution is more or less fine, but when your script is thematically (or, more to the point, morally) out of whack and your actors kinda suck, the best you can hope for is mindless entertainment (I’m looking at you, Michael Bay). On that level (and only that level), “The 7th Is Made Up of Phantoms” succeeds.

Next week:

Ruta Lee sizzles. That’s all you need to know.

Episode Spotlight: "Probe 7, Over and Out" (11/29/1963)

Season 5, Episode 9 (129 overall)

Originally aired 11/29/1963

Cayuga Production # 2622

Fifty years ago tonight, viewers received a measured dose of interplanetary déjà vu, courtesy of The Twilight Zone.

Rod Serling’s “Probe 7, Over and Out” introduces us to Colonel Adam Cook, whose spacecraft has crashed into an unknown planet. He manages to establish visual contact with his superiors back home, who give him the unfortunate news that all-out war is imminent, and that their world is doomed. Stranded with no hope of rescue, he ventures outside into the lush, unspoiled garden-like forest…. and discovers that he’s not alone. 

Another stranded space traveler, Eve, greets him with a rock to the head and a scratch across the face. After these initial hostilities (foreplay?), she warms up to him and they head off into the sunset together. Sound familiar? Have we perhaps seen this story played out before? You could cite the Book of Genesis, but you’d only be half right. 

“Probe 7, Over and Out” is a shameless copy of season three’s “Two,” right down to the verbose male lead and the black around the female’s eyes. The only significant difference is that this swipe at the laughable Adam and Eve cliché is that here, in this second pass, there’s virtually no attempt at subtlety (she even offers him an apple, fer chrissakes!). “Two” was wise enough not to go there; but then, that (superior) episode wasn’t written by Serling.  

We can also thank Serling for Cook’s endless philosophical musings on the nature of man, which I’d be a bit more accepting of if at least some of them were done in voiceover; as it stands, Cook’s constant talking to himself just feels clumsy and awkward (season two’s “King Nine Will Not Return,” also written by Serling, is helped immeasurably by the voiceover approach).

“Probe 7, Over and Out” is fine enough on a visual/technical level, thanks largely to the impressive life-sized spacecraft. The wrecked ship was purchased from Daystar Productions, which had built it for the Outer Limits episode “Specimen: Unknown.” Its image was also was inexplicably used by Bif Bang Pow! on the card backs of their 2012 TZ action figures, even though they've never produced any collectibles based on this episode (and they sure as hell haven’t produced any Outer Limits stuff, despite my incessant begging).

THE MUSIC

Most of the underscore in “Probe 7, Over and Out” is culled from Jerry Goldsmith’s “Back There” score from season two. These cues were used to great effect in season three’s “To Serve Man”; here, however, they sound a bit out of place (“Uncle Simon” suffered a similar problem). “The Outer Space Suite,” or maybe “Where is Everybody?” (both by Bernard Herrmann) would've probably worked better. I guess I should be grateful they didn't use Nathan Van Cleave’s “Two” score…!

FAMILIAR FACES

Richard Basehart (Adam Cook) is probably best remembered for his role as Admiral Harriman Nelson on TV’s Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea (1964-68). IMDB lists an uncredited role as “Shakespeare-Reading Tape Recorder Voice” on an episode of Lost in Space (“The Derelict”); I’m only mentioning it because of the many connections shared by TZ and Lost in Space (Robby the Robot's fraternal twin the B-9 Robot, Billy Mumy, Jonathon Harris, etc).

Antoinette Bower (Eve Norda) is probably most recognizable to genre fans as Sylvia in the “Catspaw” episode of the original Star Trek; however, Bower appeared on many genre TV series throughout the 60’s and 70’s (including Mission: Impossible, The Invaders, and The Six Million Dollar Man).

My overall analysis of “Probe 7, Over and Out” can be boiled down to six words: been there, done that, over, out.

Next week:
War games are afoot, but Matthew Broderick is nowhere to be found.

SyFy's Thanksgiving Marathon 2013

It's Thanksgiving, that glorious time of year when we bask in the warm glow of friends and family... the smell of turkey and dressing in the air... 

And then there's the warm glow of the television, displaying another Twilight Zone marathon courtesy of the SyFy Channel. Here's the schedule (PST; add 3 hours if you're on the east coast):

9:00 am A Stop at Willoughby
9:30 am Ring-a-ding Girl
10:00 am The Howling Man
10:30 am A Hundred Yards Over the Rim
11:00 am The Masks
11:30 am A World of His Own
12:00 pm Five Characters in Search of an Exit
12:30 pm The Midnight Sun
1:00 pm Third From the Sun
1:30 pm Will the Real Martian Please Stand Up?
2:00 pm Number Twelve Looks Just Like You
2:30 pm It's a Good Life
3:00 pm Living Doll
3:30 pm The After Hours
4:00 pm The Hitchhiker
4:30 pm To Serve Man
5:00 pm Nightmare at 20,000 Feet
5:30 pm Eye of the Beholder

I have to admit, that's a really solid list of episodes. Well, except "Ring-a-Ding Girl," which is mediocre at best. Still, that's ONE mediocre episode and seventeen good-to-excellent ones. Not a bad way to spend nine hours...

Happy Thanksgiving y'all!

Episode Spotlight: "Uncle Simon" (11/15/1963)

Season 5, episode 8 (128 overall)

Originally aired 11/15/1963

Cayuga Production # 2604

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to tonight’s heavyweight bout. In this corner, hobbling with a cane and demanding hot chocolate, is Simon Polk, retired university professor and inventor of mechanical gizmos and gadgets. And in this corner: frumpy, bitter and beaten down after years of verbal abuse, let’s hear it for Barbara Polk, Simon’s niece, caregiver and sole heir to his estate. It’s a grudge match for the ages, folks. And now. without further ado… let’s get ready to rumble!

Rod Serling’s “Uncle Simon,” turning 50 years old tonight, finds the titular Simon and his niece Barbara locked in mortal emotional warfare.  They bicker, needle, sneer and shout their way through the first half of the episode. Seriously, nothing actually happens until Simon takes a fatal plunge down the stairs during an altercation with Barbara. 

Simon’s will dictates that, as his only living relative, Barbara is to inherit the entirety of his estate, on the singular condition that she provides ongoing care for his latest experiment, which just happens to be awaiting activation downstairs in his lab.  Kids, meet the third corner of this odd, uncomfortable triangle…

Ba-ba-ra!

Simon has created an automaton which, after a few days, begins to take on his mannerisms (not to mention his penchant for hot chocolate; odd that a mechanical being could ingest liquids, but whatever). Before you know it, its voice synthesizer starts to sound like Simon’s voice, at which point the vicious insults resume. When the robot demands that Barbara address him as “Uncle Simon,” well… it appears she’s stuck for good, unless she wants to be broke and homeless. So I guess that means that Simon, by far the more offensive and cruel of the two, wins….? Is this fitting? Is this justice? No, it’s another example of the show’s moral compass drifting out of whack, a disappointing hallmark of season five.

When I first discovered The Twilight Zone when I was in middle school, I used to tape record episodes and listen to them over and over again (this was a couple of years before we got our first VCR). I recall listening to my recording of “Uncle Simon” frequently (probably because my sarcastic nature was beginning to bloom at that age, so I would've found the over-the-top verbal abuse entertaining… I still kinda do, in all honesty). Naturally I've become a bit more discerning over the ensuing three decades, so the episodes flaws are much more apparent. The characters are drawn so thin that it’s impossible to really care about either one of them (though it seems Barbara may have been at least somewhat human in her youth, before Simon berated her into the “bovine crab” she’s become).

At the helm is Don Siegel, who also directed 1956’s Invasion of the Body Snatchers (which starred TZ alum Kevin McCarthy), one of my Top 20 favorite films of all time. Seeing as how “Uncle Simon” is bereft of any perceptible style aesthetic (excepting the inclusion of Robby the Robot, which adds significant production value), I think it’s safe to assume Siegel phoned this one in. Hell, I probably would've done the same.

Not to say “Uncle Simon” is a total loss. I do like the decision to have the robot develop and mature over time, à la Adam Link (from the “I, Robot” series of short stories by Earl and Otto Binder). And of course we have the always-welcome Forbidden Planet alert in the form of Robby the Robot, who can always be counted on to brighten things up, here playing Simon’s mechanized surrogate. And despite the drab, uninteresting direction, there’s a cool dissolve between a Barbara’s face and a clock face, which I guess is more an editing choice than anything else. It’s a nice visual, in any case.

Robby the Robot was given a custom head for this episode (a clever way to differentiate this from his other TV and film appearances), which looks convincingly homemade with its visible rivets and whatnot (the eyebrows are an odd choice, however). The man inside the costume is Dion Hansen, who will also inhabit the role (har har) in “The Brain Center at Whipple’s” later this season. Of special interest (to me, at least) is the fact that the robot is voiced by none other than Vic Perrin, whose day job at the time was narrating The Outer Limits as the Control Voice.

“Uncle Simon” is scored with stock music from the CBS Music Library. I've commented in past entries that the stock selections are generally made with commendable deftness; unfortunately, something went wrong here. Jerry Goldsmith’s “The Big Tall Wish,” with its wistful harmonica, is used in several key scenes (including the closing scene), and it sounds awkwardly out of place. Further, a couple of shock “stings” by D.B. Ray are employed in moments that really don’t call for them (Simon sneaking up on Barbara in the opening scene and, later, the robot uttering Barbara’s name for the first time; neither are anywhere near as earth-shatteringly urgent as the music would suggest).

FAMILIAR FACES

Sir Cedric Hardwicke is nasty, brutal and thoroughly detestable in his only TZ appearance, but he turned in a memorable performance as the blind servant Colas in The Outer Limits’ “The Form of Things Unknown.” He also appeared in several of Universal’s classic horror films, including 1942’s The Ghost of Frankenstein.

Constance Ford (Barbara Polk) is sufficiently unpleasant in her only TZ appearance. She never showed up on The Outer Limits, but she managed to appear on almost every other genre TV show in the 50’s and 60’s, including Inner Sanctum, Lights Out, Climax!, Suspense, and ‘Way Out. 

Ian Wolfe (Simon’s estate attorney Schwimmer) only graced the TZ set this one time, but he crossed paths with Rod Serling again in 1972 on Night Gallery (“Deliveries in the Rear”); however, genre fans will likely best remember him as the cosmic librarian Mr. Atoz in the Star Trek episode “All Our Yesterdays” (which also featured Mariette Hartley, who we’ll see later this season in “The Long Morrow”).

Marc Scott Zicree’s The Twilight Zone Companion (and the IMDB) lists John McLiam in the cast as a police officer but, unfortunately, you won’t see him anywhere because his scene was cut (thanks to Martin Grams’ exhaustive The Twilight Zone: Unlocking the Door to a Television Classic for this bit of trivia). McLiam appeared in three other TZ episodes (“The Shelter,” “The Midnight Sun” and as the sympathetic museum guard in “Miniature”), so I’m mentioning him despite his scene here getting the ax.

I can’t dismiss “Uncle Simon” outright, as much as I’d like to. Hardwicke and Ford are both fine in their underwritten and one-dimensional roles, and some of their combative dialogue is admittedly fun (albeit bizarre; try dropping “garbage head” or “bovine crab” into a conversation and see what happens). And of course there’s the wonderful Robby the Robot, who I fetishize almost as much as The Invader. File this one under “N” for Not Entirely Bad and scram, you angular turnips.

Next week (intended):

TZ alum Gladys Cooper is getting obscene phone calls. Okay, maybe they aren't exactly obscene,

but they’re definitely creepy.*

* The episode “Night Call” was scheduled to air on 11/22/1963.  On that date, at 12:30 in the afternoon in Dallas, Texas, President John F. Kennedy was assassinated. In light of the massive nationwide turmoil and grieving that ensued, most television programming was preempted, Twilight Zone included. To keep the series’ weekly schedule intact going forward, “Night Call” was moved to the next available slot (2/07/1964). Serling’s “next week” promos have been conveniently rearranged on Image Entertainment’s blu-ray release of Season Five to reflect this change.

In two weeks (actual):

Mars Meets Venus.  Again. *sigh*