3x13 "Believis or Not"

Boo! It’s a word designed to scare… or to heckle a comedian. Somehow both definitions apply this week as Craig tackles his ultimate fear by watching two notoriously awful Twilight Zone comedies (“Mr. Bevis” and “Cavender is Coming”), and honestly, what’s more terrifying than that? It’s a Hallowe’en episode with a smile. Oh wait, that’s not a smile…. that’s a frozen mask of abject terror. Boo!

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Theme: “Neither Here Nor There (Very Hairy Variant)” by Twin Loops

“Opus 185: Descent” composed and performed by Sigmund Krähe (copyright Sigmund Krähe)

“Yakety Sax” (aka The Benny Hill Theme) performed by Ronnie Aldrich and His Orchestra

“The Wild Bunch: Main Title” composed and conducted by Jerry Fielding (from The Wild Bunch Original Motion Picture Soundtrack, copyright 1968 by Warner Records Inc.)

“The Third Man Theme” (aka “The Harry Lime Theme”) performed by Anton Karas (single, copyright 1949 by Decca Records)

“Everybody Wants to Rule the World” performed by Tears for Fears (from the album Songs from the Big Chair, copyright 1985 by Phonogram/Mercury Records)

“Firewater” performed by The Astronauts (from Surf Party: The Original Soundtrack Album, copyright 1964 by 20th Century Records)

“I’m So Glad We Had This Time Together” performed by Carol Burnett (probably copyrighted, I dunno)

The Twilight Zone is a trademark of CBS, Inc.

Between Light and Shadow: A Twilight Zone Podcast is a nonprofit podcast. Music clips and dialogue excerpts used herein are the property of their respective copyright owners; we claim no ownership of these materials. Their use is strictly for illustrative purposes and should be considered Fair Use as stated in the Copyright Act of 1976, 17 U.S.C. section 107. 

TZ Promo: “Cavender is Coming” (5/25/1962)

Season 3, Episode 36 (101 overall)

Cayuga Production # 4827

Hey, remember season one’s “Mr. Bevis?”  That silly, light-hearted story of a quirky guy with terrible luck who gets some unexpected help from a guardian angel?  Remember that?  I sure do.  Who could forget it?  It’s by far the single worst Twilight Zone episode in the entire five-year run of the series, and I absolutely hate it.  Nah, “hate” is too kind a word.  My despising of it is passionate and eternal, a seething ember that never quite dies out.  It’s so bad that I opted to barely discuss it when it reached its 50th birthday two years ago (see for yourself here).  Rod Serling gave us some of the series’ greatest episodes.  He also gave us many of its worst, and “Mr. Bevis” is the worst of the worst.  Two years on, and what does he do?  He rewrites the same goddamned story with different characters.  And yes, it still sucks.

“Cavender Is Coming,” the penultimate episode of the show’s third season, turns 50 tonight.  It stars the delightful Carol Burnett as Agnes Grep (ugh, wotta name), a luckless charmer who can’t hold onto a job because, well, she’s a clitzy dutz.*  Harmon Cavender (Jesse White) is a guardian angel desperate to get his wings, so he tries to reverse her misfortune by bestowing upon her a fortune.  Hilarity (or not) ensues.

Yes, “Cavender Is Coming” is the latest in a (seemingly endless) stream of attempts at comedy by Serling, in a series that really has no business trying to be funny.  When you think of The Twilight Zone, you think of mystery, suspense, supernatural intrigue, terror.  Are any of those things funny?  Nope.  Almost every attempt at humor by Serling falls flat on its ugly face, and this week's installment is no exception.  Maybe that’s why they slapped a canned laugh track onto it, to trick us into thinking it's funny.  Yup, that’s right, folks:  it’s a Twilight Zone sitcom.  Christ on a cracker.  Worst… idea… ever.

Carol Burnett is of course wonderful here, like she is in everything she's ever done. Despite the narrative wreckage all around her, she remains arrestingly radiant, charming and adorable, impossible not to love.  It’s a testament to just how truly shitty the script is that even her considerable talents can’t save things.

The depiction of Heaven, with its 3rd Celestial Division (Angel Placement Bureau; foreshadowing The Adjustment Bureau by half a century!), is a bright spot amid all the muck (you’ve gotta love a cloud with a door!).  Howard Smith, the boss-from-hell Mr. Misrell from season one’s “A Stop At Willoughby,” returns to The Twilight Zone as Cavender’s boss Polk.  He’s still gruff, but not nearly as loathsome this time around.  And John Fiedler, delightful as always (but unfortunately underused here), appears as “Field Representative #3” (we last saw him in season two’s “Night of the Meek,” as Henry Corwin’s boss-from-hell… hey, how are all these bosses from hell getting into heaven…?).

I guess all things considered, “Cavender Is Coming” isn’t irredeemably awful.  It’s just…. well, really really dumb and, since we've already seen this tale unfold in "Mr. Bevis," it's 100% unnecessary.  It’s not the bottom of the season three barrel (which is where you’ll find “The Gift” and “Four O’clock," not to mention "The Mirror"), but it dwells awfully low.  Watch it once, and then move quickly on to better things.

Next:  “The Changing of the Guard” closes out season three with a snow-swept tale of sad old men and merry ghosts.  No, Dickens didn’t write it.

* The (admittedly semi-offensive) term “clitzy dutz” is a vulgar tongue-twisting play on “clutzy ditz.”  I have a dim memory of a friend and I bandying the term around in the 6th grade, and it pops into my head every so often even at this late date.

TZ Promo: "Mr. Bevis" (6/03/1960)

Okay, here's the deal: I hate this episode. I really, really do. Tonight is this turd's 50th anniversary, so I have to at least acknowledge it. God, I wish I could just skip it and move on to next week's brilliant "The After Hours." I must admit, in all honesty, that I haven't actually seen this...um, thing in several years. So, in a deviation from my usual routine, I'm going to wait on actually commenting further on the episode until I watch it tonight. I'll post the usual screen captures now, however...

Post-viewing thoughts...

Yep, I was right. It's an utter piece of shit. It thinks it's a comedy, but it's not funny. AT ALL. I'm not even going to bother with the usual plot teasers. Rod Serling wrote it, William Asher directed it, and Orson Bean plays the titular Mr. Bevis. Henry Jones co-stars as Bevis' guardian angel. All four shoulda been smacked upside their collective heads for birthing this stupid, ugly beast.

"Mr. Bevis" was never repeated. They knew, as I know, that this thing should be buried and never spoke of again. I've poked fun in these pages at other TZ duds ("Mr. Dingle, the Strong" comes to mind), but this, my friends, is the absolute bottom of the barrel. It doesn't get any worse than this. Happy 50th anniversary, "Mr. Bevis." Don't let the door hit you in the ass on your way out. I'll probably never watch you again. EVER.


Next week: The show bounces back in a huge way. The impossibly gorgeous Anne Francis is shopping at the mall, and things are just.... kinda.... askew. Are those mannequins looking at her...?

TZ Promo: "Elegy" (2/19/1960)

 

With their rocket quickly running out of fuel, three astronauts touch down on an asteroid... and are astonished to discover that they're back on earth.  Okay, they aren't really back on earth, but it sure as hell looks like it... barns, houses, people --- except that nothing moves.  Everyone and everything appears to be frozen in time.  It's a mystery, and our intrepid voyagers will find the answer... but the cost will prove rather high.

Charles Beaumont wrote the teleplay, based on his own short story, and as much as I love his work, I've never been particularly fond of this episode for three reasons.  First, the "frozen in time" people DO move, because director Douglas Heyes opted to use live actors instead of mannequins or still photography.  Consequently, the viewer will spot many instances of movement on the part of the various actors.  It's damned distracting, and essentially kills the suspension of disbelief.  Second, the script attempts to inject humor into the proceedings for no apparent reason (a recurring gag is an inability to pronounce a certain name correctly, ha ha).  And third we have the ending which, while sufficiently shocking, seems to come from nowhere (shock endings are part and parcel of the Twilight Zone experience, of course, but they should make sense within the context of the preceding story).  All in all, it's the first Twilight Zone episode that (for me) is a complete failure.  I've gone on at length about my dislike of "Time Enough at Last," but I at least respect that episode from a technical standpoint (the direction and cinematography are frankly amazing).  But "Elegy" is an episode that I hate on every level.  The actors are unappealing, the direction is lacking... even the original music score by Van Cleave (whose work on the series I usually love) is grating.

But hey, this is just one guy's opinion.  You might love it.  Who knows?

Addendum:  Okay, so after watching the episode (as you may or not have guessed, I write these promo entries BEFORE I sit down to watch the episode; oftentimes it's been several years since my last viewing), I don't hate it quite as much as I thought I did.... but I still don't like it much either.  It's not a stinker on the level of, say, "Mr. Dingle, the Strong" or "Mr. Bevis," but it's definitely lower-tier Zone.  As I watched it, I got a really strong Martian Chronicles vibe (specifically, "The Third Expedition," originally published in Planet Stories Magazine as "Mars Is Heaven" in 1948) which, given Beaumont's documented friendship with Ray Bradbury, makes some amount of sense.  Nothing direct in the way of plagiarism, you understand.... just a vague similarity.

Next week:  Things get back on track in a big way with a truly excellent TZ classic.  It's one of my Top 40 favorites, and it stars Vera Miles as a nervous woman in a bus station who is seeing double... quite literally, as it turns out.   Come in from the rain and have a look.

TZ Promo: "Escape Clause" (11/06/1959)

Tonight: "Escape Clause" celebrates its 50th anniversary. This episode is The Twilight Zone's first attempt at comedy, and it succeeds brilliantly (later attempts, such as "Mr. Bevis" and "Mr. Dingle, the Strong," would fall flat on their respective faces; we'll get to those in time). Written by Rod Serling, directed by Mitchell Leisen and starring David Wayne, it's the sharp little tale of a hypochondriac who wants to live forever. He gets his wish... sort of.

"Escape Clause" marks the first appearance of a certain individual who will appear several times throughout the series.... what shall we call him? Satan? The Devil? The Prince of Darkness? He calls himself "Mr. Cadwallader" here because, in his own words, "it has a nice feeling on the tongue."

David Wayne signs away his immortal soul.